“Our Unrecognized Resistance to Love”

(self-crucifixion)

Whether we have been in the Course for ten years or ten minutes, it is always our own un-admitted desire to ‘crucify’ ourselves (Lesson # 196) that keeps us from accepting and experiencing God’s Love. Emphasis on the words ‘our own un-admitted.’ Our default ego mode is to believe others are trying to crucify us, but… “It can be but myself I crucify.”

The question is then… are we willing to own up to that possibility and ask for Holy Spirit’s help to realize our own resistance to God’s Love…  and take that fear to Jesus … where we then can ask him for help, and begin to allow that resistance to evaporate before his very loving presence?

Or do we continue to resist acknowledging our responsibility in crucifying ourselves… by thrusting Love away and blaming it on someone or something else?

It is normal to hear at Course meetings long-time Course students say and admit how much resistance they have to doing the Course and finding peace. Sometimes it seems we wear it as a badge of honor. Almost like.. “look at me, I’m really aware of my resistance.” But… are we?

In terms of the Course process of forgiveness, it is a groundbreaking necessary first step to begin to realize I may not be upset for the reason I think (Les. 5).  In other words we start to recognize that we are the ones resisting and pushing peace away. It is not being done to us. Admitting this possibility to ourselves is crucial for our waking up.

(Admitting this to others on the other hand isn’t necessary… except it may be helpful sometimes to share and point out that it is possible for all of us to become aware of our hidden resistance to truth.)

However… admitting we have resistance doesn’t do a lot of good, if we are not willing to take the next step to let it go and move beyond it.

As Ken Wapnick and the Course teach, this next important step is to move into an experience of  “I could see peace instead of this.” (Les. 34)   But we hear ourselves say we can’t… or I’m always beating myself up instead… and/or some thing always seems to stop me. Maybe we actually are resistant to Love, but we can’t seem to get past that resistance to an experience of Love… 

Who then is the “you” that’s being stopped? Who is the you that beats itself up? Who is the you that is looking at itself aware of some resistance to love, but still seems stuck from going beyond ‘the stuck’?

(If you are familiar with the teacher Mooji, it is his standard question to his disciples…  Who is the ‘you’ that sees and feels like you are blocked from an experience of non-duality?)

Isn’t it simply the ego, unrecognized and un-admitted, looking at its own ego antics? A synthetic self looking at its own made-up resistance to Love… but when we, as decision makers in our minds, do not take responsibility for choosing that, we wind up pretending our resistance is an inherent part of what we are. We think the resistance we feel is not really our fault. It’s just part of ‘me’… God made me this way.

That idea then gets pushed down in our awareness and projected out onto somebody else… Yeah maybe I’m a little resistant to Jesus and Love, but look at that guy… way worse than me. (As Byron Katie would say… “Is that true?”)

So, we do all this constant projection simply because we are blindly resistant to letting our resistance go… because we secretly believe we are and should be afraid of God and His Love, and our resistance to Love somehow protects this not-self we think is us.

What if our fear of God, our own unrecognized resistance to Love, our pretending to be stuck… is all made up too… by the very not-self  that we have decided to produce out of nothing, and with which we choose to identify ?

The three steps of forgiveness in acknowledging and letting go of resistance (with the help of Jesus) are…

1. We are willing to stop blaming the other guy for our lack of peace. (Maybe I am really not upset because of what you did or didn’t do…maybe it’s not about you at all)
2. The second is we are willing to hear Jesus tell us we are not a separated ego self that could push him away and be resistant to him, in the first place.
3. The third is simply letting him love us as we truly are… One Innocent Self, still intact.

(self-made prisoner of fear)

Ch. 9 Sec. I: The Acceptance of Reality (p. 160)

¹ Fear of the Will of God  (resistance) is one of the strangest beliefs the human mind has ever made (we did this). It could not possibly have occurred unless the mind were already profoundly split (our choice to take the tiny mad idea of separation seriously), making it possible for it to be afraid of what it really is. Reality cannot “threaten” anything except illusions (us as egos), since reality can only uphold truth. The very fact that the Will of God, which is what you are, is perceived as fearful, demonstrates that you (an illusion, i.e. the decision maker still identified with a made-up illusory ego self) are afraid of what you are (our true reality). It is not, then, the Will of God of which you are afraid, but yours (our own true will, which is our own True Identity as God’s One Son).

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The problem is this : What if it’s NOT the resistance or judgements that we do acknowledge and are aware of that are holding us back from having a holy instant… What if, however, it is mostly, and possibly only, the unacknowledged/unrecognized resistance to admit our choice to believe each of us is a separated identity: weak and vulnerable and unloved… that  un-admitted belief is what is still blocking us.

The issue is always the same… But we rather not call it what it is… resistance to even admitting we are resistant to peace and Love. We instead call it other things… being right, or being normal, or appropriate, or stuck, or whatever excuse we use to justify our irritation and judgements, especially of ourselves…. which keeps Jesus love at bay.

We don’t realize that being right (even ‘right’ about how resistant we are) is still being resistant. We are then trapped in a Catch-22 situation. We are resistant to simply letting Jesus love me as I truly am in this moment, a real Holy Instant. What if all the pain we experience comes simply from our own unrecognized resistance to letting go of this not-self, which actively pushes Love away, and then blames the other guy for it…?

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What does the Introduction to The Course say about our own insistence in our resistance to love?

Text p. 1:

The course does not aim at teaching the meaning of love, for that is beyond what can be taught. It does aim, however, at removing the blocks (our unrecognized resistance in ourselves… in which we feel mired and obstructed) to the awareness of love’s presence, which is your natural inheritance.

** Check out more references in the Course about our secret, hidden, unrecognized beliefs…

about who we are and what we believe we need to do:

Text Ch. 24 Sec. I (p. 499):

² Beliefs (our judgements that I’m right and you’re wrong) will never openly attack each other (in our awareness)… But an unrecognized belief  (my resistance to peace) is a decision to war in secret, where the results of conflict (our wrong mind at war with our right mind) are kept unknown and never brought to reason, to be considered sensible or not. And many senseless outcomes have been reached, and meaningless decisions have been made and kept hidden, to become beliefs (judgements) now given power to direct all subsequent (worldly) decisions. Mistake you not the power of these hidden warriors to disrupt your peace. For it is at their mercy while you decide to leave it there. The secret (secret to ourselves) enemies of peace, your least decision to choose attack (and resist) instead of love, unrecognized and swift to challenge you to combat and to violence far more inclusive than you think, are there by your election. Do not deny their presence nor their terrible results.

³ All that is ever cherished as a hidden belief (love is dangerous), to be defended though unrecognized, is faith in specialness (I believe I am different  from my brother, and especially different and separated  from God my Father). This takes many forms, but always clashes with the reality of God’s creation and with the grandeur that He gave His Son. What else could justify attack  (judgement)? For who could hate someone whose Self is his, and Whom he knows? Only the special could have enemies, for they are different (we are not one Son of God) and not the same. And difference of any kind imposes orders of reality, and a need to judge that cannot be escaped.

⁸ The fear of God and of your brother comes from each unrecognized belief in specialness (usually I am especially holier than you). For you demand your brother bow to it (my “holiness/righteousness”) against his will. And God Himself must honor it or suffer vengeance. Every twinge of malice, or stab of hate or wish to separate arises here. For here the purpose (the Holy Spirit’s) that you and your brother share becomes obscured from both of you.

You would oppose this Course because it teaches you… you and your brother are alike.

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We all share two things: 

(1) the same ego’s desperate need to separate and blame (and not admit that’s what we are doing), and

 (2) the same Holy Spirit way out of that insanity: forgiveness.

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Text Ch.19 Sec. IV C  (p. 417, par. 4)

The arrogance of sin, the pride of guilt, the sepulcher of separation, all are part of your unrecognized dedication to death. (Every judgement we make against our brother… and every time we feel stuck in resistance… is a secret wish to kill our own true self.)

Chapter 29: The Awakening Sec. VIIIThe Anti-Christ (p. 619, par. 1)

¹ What is an idol ? Do you think you know? For idols are unrecognized as such, and never seen for what they really are (replacements for our essence and reality as God’s One Son). That is the only power that they have (the power from remaining unrecognized). Their purpose (to keep Jesus out of our awareness) is obscure, and they are feared and worshipped, both, because you do not know what they are for, and why they have been made.

An idol is an image of your brother (judged as different from me) that you would value more than what he is (we are both one Son of God, still guiltless). Idols are made that he may be replaced (they replace my brother’s and my own true identity), no matter what their form. And it is this (purpose) that never is perceived and recognized. Be it a body or a thing, a place, a situation or a circumstance, an object owned or wanted, or a right demanded or achieved, it is the same (purpose).

Chapter 23: The War Against Yourself  Sec. III. Salvation Without Compromise (p. 495)

¹ Is it not true you do not recognize some of the forms attack (and resistance) can take? If it is true attack in any form will hurt you, and will do so just as much as in another form that you do recognize, then it must follow that you do not always recognize the source of pain. Attack (resistance) in any form is equally destructive. Its purpose does not change. Its sole intent is murder, and what form of murder serves to cover the massive guilt and frantic fear of punishment the murderer must feel?

He may deny he is a murderer and justify his savagery with smiles as he attacks. Yet he will suffer, and will look on his intent in nightmares where the smiles are gone, and where the purpose rises to meet his horrified awareness and pursue him still. For no one thinks of murder and escapes the guilt the thought entails. If the intent is death, what matter the form it takes?

Would you not want to recognize assault upon your peace in any form (any unrecognized resistance), if only thus does it become impossible that you lose sight of it (peace)? 

Peace can be kept shining before your vision, forever clear and never out of sight, if you defend peace not.

(Peace doesn’t need defending, or attacking, to save it…)

⁵ Those who believe that peace can be defended, and that attack is justified on its behalf, cannot perceive it lies within them. How could they know? Could they accept forgiveness (letting go of our resistance to peace)…  side by side with the belief that murder takes some forms by which their peace is saved? Would they be willing to accept the fact their savage purpose is directed against themselves?

You are not asked to fight against your wish to murder. But you are asked to realize the form it takes (including believing we are trapped in our resistance) conceals the same intent (murder). And it is this you fear, and not the form. What is not love is murder. What is not loving (our unrecognized resistance) must be an attack. 

 Each form of murder and attack that still attracts you and that you do not recognize for what it is, limits the healing and the miracles you have the power to extend to all.  This is your part; to realize that murder in any form is not your will. 

⁶ When the temptation to attack rises to make your mind darkened (our resistance becomes hidden) and murderous, remember you can see the battle from above. Even in forms (of resistance) you do not recognize, the signs you know. There is a stab of pain, a twinge of guilt, and above all, a loss of peace. This you know well. When they occur leave not your place on high (in your mind), but quickly choose a miracle instead of murder. And God Himself and all the lights of Heaven will gently lean to you, and hold you up. For you have chosen to remain where He would have you (in your right mind), and no illusion (of resistance,  finally recognized and surrendered) can attack the peace of God together with His Son.

Lesson 190  (p. 362, par.9)

Lay down your arms (your resistance), and come without defense into the quiet place where Heaven’s peace holds all things still at last.

Lay down all thoughts of danger and of fear. Let no attack enter with you.

Lay down the cruel sword of judgment that you hold against your (own) throat,

and put aside the withering assaults with which you seek to hide your holiness.

On a lighter note…

More on “Resistance” from Ken Wapnick:

(click on titles below for more info)

See the Lighthouse Newsletter “Resistance: How one studies ACIM without really learning it?” on p.32  in the above “Anthology”.